The world is a selfish place where people want to see you the way they expect. As long as you fulfill their expectations then you are lovable and adorable. The day you wish the other person to fulfill your expectations, then suddenly you become wrong.
My relationships and friendships have taught me much about the same.
I had been living with someone with whom I had been emotionally very connected. She was also aware of the same weakness. I am calling it weakness because i was attached to her, She was not. For her my existence was like the existence of anything which is around her. For me she was special, but i was not special to her. I always put in the efforts to make her feel special and tell her what she meant to me, but she always made me realize that i was one person who was wrong it all senses. My concern for her, my care and love for her was becoming a burden for her, thus i was wrong.
What am i supposed to do? I made her inseparable part of my existing life. For me she had become the center of my happiness and reason to live. I had never dreamt of making it big ever in life, but her existence made me dream that. What is my fault if she became so important to me in life. I never had any aspiration, but for the first time in life i wanted to achieve something in life and that was her. This was how special she was to me, but for her i was one person without whom she would have had a normal life. My existence and non-existence hardly matters. May be i was just some old habit that kept me and her together, and habits can be changed. Thus my presence in her life was as long as she didn't want to discard me.
It hurts when i think of the times when i saw her more concerned about others and i had to beg for the same.
"Tell me that you want to be with me", this was one question i consistently asked her, may be as many as 10 times in a day or even more because she never promptly said the same. I had to make her say something that would make me feel special. She never did it herself. She never realized that she was my dope, her magical words of affection just provided me the life. If i was a motor car, then she was the fuel i needed to run.
without her, life always seemed so lonely. Whenever i used to be alone thinking about me and myself, i always realized that i was extremely alone. I had none barring her. It was my fault that i made myself so dependent on her. It was my fault when i made her the reason for my happiness and my smile. It was my mistake when i made her my life's sole motivation.
It hurts when i see her spending time with others, it hurts when i see how much she values other people in her life but not me.
For me she had a place at par with my family. If i was to be asked, "who is more important, family or her?", then i would have had been numb, because i seriously never knew the answer for the same. Not being with anyone of the two would have meant disaster in my life, but i was always low in her priority list. For her, family came first then came friends and then me.
But what to do, i am in serious love with her. I cant imagine life beyond her, it is something which i have chosen and i shall have to bear the same. All i wish is that may almighty bless me with her.
She is the only thing i would want from God, because rest i can handle on my own.
My life's only aspiration is her.
I want her, God help me get her...
Oh God please help me get her...
